Belly buttons and shirt-lifting

The other thing Babe has noticed is belly-buttons. And he can more or less say that, too. Although it sounds a bit like ‘bliggy buttoms’. But he doesn’t seem to get that they are generally located on - aha! - your belly. Instead, he has become obsessed with trying to gain access to your back, so that he can lift your top and see if he can spot a belly button there.

At home, this seemed like harmless enough fun. But at nursery it is another matter entirely. He has made himself unpopular with all his little friends, by chasing them around, trying to lift their shirts. And was socked on the jaw by one little girl when he tried lifting her skirt. Clearly the carers have had enough of it too, as they’re constantly having to pull him off the other kids, and the implication is that this behaviour is both uncommon and odd. I feel obliged to reassure them that at home he has not witnessed Other half and I crawling around the floor, lifting one another’s shirts, and looking for new crevices we can stick our little fingers into, but you can feel their scepticism as you blather on, and the brains behind the raised eyebrows wondering where he’s learnt to behave like this if we haven’t taught him.

Yesterday, he upped the ante and played in a whole new way that has been recorded (so I was told in a private meeting) in the ‘abnormal behaviour book’. It seems he was simulating sex with a small plastic doll, rubbing his face into hers, and lifting his shirt and rubbing his tummy against her plastic one. Poor little mite – I must introduce more sensory pleasure into his routine. And double check that he hasn’t tuned into a pornographic channel that we’ve yet to discover, with the remote.

It would be nice if he could do something a little more normal. The folk at nursery already know we listen to Greek music at home, smash plates, roast lambs in the back garden and worship the television, decorating it with doilies and ornaments on top. I’m worried that we’ll get social workers on our case if we’re not careful.

If anyone has read a book on how to make your child kick and bite, please let me know.