Honestly! You would think the Albanian nation responsible for the propagation of the human species, given the amount of earwigging I've been getting about how to bring up my children. Quite how they think mothers in the UK rear children who survive and prosper I don't know.
One night on holiday New Babe got wind and cried quite a lot (for five minutes), and my sister-in-law was calling relatives in Athens for advice before I could catch my own breath. Meanwhile my mother-in-law harangued me to take him up to the hospital, and I found myself explaining to my (traditional, retiring) father-in-law that the milk flows faster from my left breast than my right and that sometimes the baby gets windy on it. Bloody hell!
So, for your amusement, here are ten things I am doing wrong and am asked about almost constantly:
1 Not putting New Babe to sleep on a pillow (surely this is a no-brainer??)
2 Not giving him a teaspoon of cooled boiled water every day (why would I when he hasn't got any problems to cure?)
3 Not giving him chamomile tea every evening (see above)
4 Not stopping him from putting his hands in his mouth. I should, apparently, be getting some 'equipment' (??) from the hospital that can achieve this (just f off and leave us alone)
5 Not putting him to sleep in crisp, white, 'fresh' sheets that have been ironed with a little chlorine each day (the last time I ironed something was for a job interview ten years ago)
6 Not bathing him every day (environmental concerns do not reach Albania)
7 Not putting him in the sea (he's three months old for Pete's sake)
8 Putting him in the sea (I did it to shut you lot up and now he's got a temperature)
9 Not taking him to hospital because he is small and not fat enough (Now you are really beginning to annoy me, Babe was not much bigger at the same age)
10 I can't remember 10 as I was crying in the toilet at the time. But it was something about feeding him only every three hours. I demand feed...
Not, you understand, that any of this is expressed with malice, quite the opposite - OH's family really do love me as a daughter and would hate to think they were upsetting me. But there are only so many times p day you can be asked the same sodding stupid question before you start to crack.
Despite the regime they would have me put New Babe under, they think I should back off with Babe entirely, let him have his own way over everything, and let him eat what he wants to (biscuits), whenever he wants to (all day) and wherever he wants to (including in the loo and in bed), and go to bed much later (close to midnight) so that he'll rise later (I have explained that I have tried everything in order to make him sleep later than 6am)... But they think I should force feed him a little honey each night before he drops off (good for his throat, apparently). I invited Granny to administer said honey and she backed off after nearly losing a finger.
The family think Babe is an angry, 'nervous' child and that he takes after me. (!) They seem unable to realise that they are bugging him to death and that' why he's been running around screaming and refuses to be left alone with them for five minutes.
Meanwhile cousin Alexandros (the same age as Babe, but quite a way behind him if you ask my opinion - I don't want to make comparisons but read on), so I am told, eats olives by the handful, loves his granny and hugs and kisses her constantly, and has been out of nappies for five months. I doubt the truth of this, as we saw him in Athens five months ago, and the only thing he was doing in the toilet was having his dinner with the tap running, as it was the only way they could get him to eat.
Whatever! I must turn in now as New Babe woke every hour last night and I am utterly tired, once again. It seems very exciting to be back at home and able to get online whenever I want to, but of course I have many other things vying for my attention now. Including that dancing programme on BBC1. Adieu!
No comments:
Post a Comment