Having spent the last, what - weeks? months? fortnight? I don't know, what a whirlwind! - since Christmas wondering what on earth DBrother was going to do when last Thursday arrived and his tenancy at Mr Khan's (to whom I will now refer to simply as 'Khan') ended, it fell upon me to take action of some kind that morning, to avert catastrophe.
You may remember that OH had asked if DBrother could come back and live here with us. A request that I flatly refused. I am now convinced that that was the right thing to do and that agreeing to such a request would be an act that would cause my life to unravel catastrophically, as I am once again fairly stressed and OH is already once again sailing very close to the wind in the relationship-termination stakes. I have thus agreed with myself, and my dad's spiritual advisor, that either the brother makes a go of it here without any more financial or other major input from us, or he returns to Greece and his huge family, friends, network and two grown-up and employed children.
Following this flat refusal, OH had been trying to bring the issue up casually, while watching random Channel4 comedy or Wildlife-on-One type viewing while I fiddle around on my laptop in the evenings:
'So, what shall we do about DBrother?'
'I don't know.'
[Pause] 'Wow, what an amazing lion. Any suggestions?'
'No.'
[Pause] 'What amazing communities those meerkats live in.'
'Just eff off.'
I have felt awful refusing to engage. It is far from my natural response. Although I have also found it a tad empowering. Sometimes I feel tired of being a busy bee in the background who goes unnoticed and unappreciated. Suddenly ceasing to make practical suggestions and problem-solve is somewhat liberating. I know OH has been finding it kind of weird and scary, probably. You can see in his face that the cogs are whizzing super-fast and silently while he pretends he's doing something else, acting casual and unconcerned. The thing is, I am OVER arguing about DBrother and the raft of problems he presents us with, the stress of which is making life difficult. If I did engage, the conversation would probably be something like this:
'So, what shall we do about DBrother?'
'I don't know.'
[Pause] 'Wow, what an amazing lion. Any suggestions?'
'You find him somewhere to live?'
'He hasn't got any money'
'Nor have we, we're at the end of our overdraft.'
'But he really hasn't got any money.'
'Look, the bloody idiot should not have handed in his notice! He should either have paid the next month's rent, or returned some of what he owed us, instead of jiggering off to Athens for New Year, thinking - THE BASTARD! - that he could rely on us to bail him out should it be required.'
You see? It is better that I do not engage.
You see? It is better that I do not engage.
However, I did take on board that unless something unexpected happened, DBrother was going to be homeless as of last Thursday. And as luck would have it, a woman on our local email group mentioned that she had a room going for one month as of 31 Jan, before she has builders in to convert her house into two flats. For less than Khan's, at £270 for the month. And as we exchanged emails she flagged that if he just needed somewhere to doss for the following two months at a much lower rate, that might work. I replied saying he had practical skills that she might find useful and - phew - it looked as though I had lined the next place up. In the meantime, DBrother has had a couple of weeks work on the same site as before (cash in hand, shafting bastard who still owes him some money but what can you do?) so it looked like he'd have the money for the rent. (It also means that if OH gets up even earlier than usual he can take DBrother to work and then bring him home afterwards as well, thus getting home to us even later... I might start to see this as a good thing before long.) Anyway, I lined up an evening for DBrother and OH to go and meet the kind lady and see the room.
In the meantime, I had to decide what, if any action to take to find DBrother somewhere to live for the Thursday-to-Thursday gap that needed filling. And I decided that to prostrate myself before the definitely-odd Khan and beg him to keep DBrother on for one more week was better than giving in and having DBrother back round here. So after mulling it over in the IKEA cafeteria while Babe2 ran around in Smalvarld or whatever's it called - who ever thought that place would be such a life-safer? - we called round on the way back home.
I saw his shadow linger behind the blinds in his downstairs front bedroom room for about four minutes, deciding whether to open the door to me or not. I knew this meant that he was not happy and that he wanted DBrother out of his house just as much as DBrother wanted out. He started slapping himself on the head even before the door was opened. He whispered something I did not understand about his wife's sister being in his bedroom room to which I did not respond. How to start?
'Um. You want him out?' I asked, gesturing towards the upstairs bay window of DBrother's room.
'Yes, yes, yes, this brother no good, I had enough, no good, no good.' (Slap slap.) 'I had deposit and one month money from 'nother man nice man he give me money he want room I want him out gone now, no good, no good.'
'Um, right.' I said. 'Mr Khan, is there any way you could have him for one more week? I have found him a new place from next Thursday.'
'No!' (Slap slap slap.) 'Why one week? No good to me, one month maybe with rent and deposit. One week no no good no why?'
Hmmm. So maybe he didn't have anyone lined up to take the room after all. I am trying to transcribe the conversation exactly and not to ridicule the man by the way. He is very hard to understand.
'And Mr Khan, (cringing) I understand that he has done some work for you on a door down here that you have not paid him for. And he never charged you for the locks that he used to replace the broken ones on the door upstairs, although you did say you would pay for them.'
This met with a string of vitriol and untruths. Which suggested to me that there was no use trying to swing a room for free although technically DBrother was kind of owed as much. I decided to try a new tack.
'Mr Khan. I understand that you do not want him in your house. I do not want him in my house either. I married my husband, not his brother. If you keep him here for one more week, it is not much longer than the amount of time you have had him here anyway. But if he comes to live with me it will create a new situation that will be very difficult for me.' I could see something behind his eyes soften.
'You are nice lady, I respect you.'
'Come on then, Mr Khan, please do me a favour!'
'What good is one week? No no no.'
'What about the other spare room downstairs, could he sleep there for one week?'
'No no no, it smelly not good room no good no good.'
'We will of course pay you.'
'No no no no no no.' But I sensed another shift. I had one last card to play. God help me.
'Mr Khan,' I implored. 'Do it for God because it is the right thing to do.'
'Ok,' he said, 'But you pay me not him,' and he shut the door in my face. I presume he meant that he did not want DBrother, not God, to pay him.
So, having organised a reprieve, albeit one that we had to finance because DBrother was not paid at the end of that week, things looked sorted. Huge relief! Not that I was thanked. But that, of course, is because I am the witch who is insisting on his living somewhere else instead of with us for as long as he needs to. I do apologise, by the way, to friends and readers who will feel I stooped to new depths in the course of that dialogue with Khan. I ask that you try to understand how desperate I feel.
On Monday night, OH and DBrother went to view the room I'd lined up and meet the woman. OH came back with the keys kindly given to him in advance, saying how much nicer it was etc etc. I took the opportunity to remind him that it was for a month. Four weeks. And in that time he had to find DBrother the next place to live because there was no guarantee that he'd have the room for longer. And that we weren't going to find anything else that nice for that money. At £300 p month all inclusive Khan's seemed expensive but other rooms we've been offered nearby were £370 plus bills. And deposit required. Too much! And we'd have to act as guarantors which, given DBrother's work prospects, was not what I wanted to do. (He and his brother are still, incidentally, registered with the IR as living with us...)
Tuesday was relatively peaceful.
The next evening OH was strangely late home from work and I wondered what he was up. He got back as I was putting the kids to bed and I heard him stomp in, rustle around and stomp out again. Hmmm. When he got back in again, about ten minutes later, I went downstairs and asked if everything was ok. He explained that he had returned the keys to the woman up the road. My stress level shot up to '10' in nano-seconds. 'Why?' I yelped, wondering what the hell was coming next and glanced into the hall to see if there was a suitcase there.
'Because I have found DBrother somewhere to live long term for just £240p month.'
My nerves took up position at about 7.5 until I realised that although this was good news, we were letting down a lovely neighbour I had not yet met who had, as it happened, called me ten minutes before OH and DBrother went round to see the room on Monday to check that they really needed it as her friend had said she'd take it. To which I had replied that yes, it would leave us in the lurch for reasons she already knew.
I don't know how a normal person would have responded. I just started shouting about how ridiculous this was and how embarrassed I felt to have to email this woman back and apologise. It then occurred to me to ask where the room was and how he'd found it.
'At Mr Khan's,' OH replied. 'He's got a room downstairs that he'll let him have for less.'
***
As I stood in the kitchen, mouth opening and shutting and for once not too much coming out, someone knocked the front door. I was expecting a friend to return some things and presumed it was her. It was DBrother. We temporarily forgot our hostilities and that we are not speaking to one another.
'Oh hello!' I said.
'Ah, excuse me,' he responded. 'I was just wondering....'
'Hang on a minute!' I cried. 'Can you please tell me why you have just turned down that room up the road? What am I going to tell the woman?' His stress levels rose to 10 to match mine, also in nano-seconds.
'Why would I take a room for a month?' he yelled.
'Because you had to leave Khan's!' I responded. 'At least that what's you told OH. And why did you go and see the bloody room if you knew you didn't want it for only for a month? Do you two communicate at all?'
Suffice to say that we had another huge ding dong on my front door step. Dear Lord. During the course of which he started to wave his wallet in the air, opening it to prove he is penniless. I was mortified and tried to keep calm. Which good friends will know still looks and sounds as though I am warning the proverbial ladybird to fly home because her house is on fire and the children are gone. I asked why he'd gone back to Greece and why he thought it was ok to keep borrowing money from us. Etc etc. Luckily his phone rang and he chose to take the call. I came inside and cried. He probably went home feeling bloody miserable too. I think the last thing I said to him was something like, 'I want you to understand that in all this mess, my problem is not with you. It is with OH because he has created this situation that he is unable to place reasonable limits on and sort out.' And that is the unhappy size of it. OH is not being honest with me, or his brother, or himself. For a range of reasons, many of which engender my sympathy. But how much more of it can I take?
***
So, what had happened? I suspect that seeing a nice warm clean room in a friendly shared house made OH realise how hard it was going to be to find somewhere similar once the month was up. I also suspect that my pearls of wisdom (shame so many have been ignored) when he got home that evening made him realise that moving DBrother was going to create a whole load of hassle for us. And I think probably reality hit home quite hard for both of them - Khan's is cheap and easy to be in. No need for small talk which DBrother finds impossible not speaking the language. Or social niceties to adhere to. But why am I the only one who seems to anticipate all these moves?
You will be pleased to know that when I emailed the woman to apologise she was very gracious and said that happily her friend still wanted the room. She expressed understanding at what was obviously a difficult situation for me.
I have now resolved not to involve myself in further attempts to find DBrother accommodation.
And let us hope that Khan is happy to have his lodger stay on. I am pretty sure that he has no-one else moving in and needs the money. And let us also hope that DBrother now views his accommodation there - which I have to say is a hell of a lot nicer than some of the places I've lived in in my life, notably as a student - as somewhere he has chosen to be in because it is cheap and long-term instead of viewing it as an overpriced slum his bitch sister-in-law (me) found for him.
After a couple of days of hurt silence, OH and I started talking again and he admitted that yes, he regrets having got his brothers over here. But still not enough, clearly, to start managing the situation in any meaningful or rational way that makes life bearable for me. Perhaps he can't. I guess things will go one of two ways with DBrother over the next few weeks: either he will stay employed and self-sufficient and therefore be able to re-pay some of what he owes us (which increases all time because OH is pretty much grocery shopping for him as well now, albeit cheap bits and bobs which I do not resent, beyond the fact that this is far from what we originally agreed) or the work will end in which case he will not have enough to pay next month's rent. And we'll face another catastrophic situation.
There is obviously more I could say about OH and I but, well, you can only take one day at a time which is what I'm trying to do. And I have plenty that is rich and good in my life to focus on to be able to keep all that crap on the back-burner for now.
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