Money matters

My craving for sleep and the devastating impact of its absence from my life continues.

Last evening, I stood by the hob, to heat the vast vat of soup I had prepared earlier, in an attempt to get more vegetables into us. As I stared at the flames licking its bottom (so to speak) I could have sworn I heard a muffled cry. I leaned closer. Yes, I hear a tiny roar. Then another yell. I stood up straight and started at my reflection in the window above the sink. I was feeling and looking excessively knackered. Too knackered to feel disturbed or afraid.

I stuck my finger in my right ear (I think I've experienced some hearing loss since the birth of New Babe but the doctor assures me that nothing is punctured) and wiggled it around. Then listened again. 'Mum!' yelled the soup. I jolted backwards, somewhat freaked. Then with a thump from above, the realisation that Babe had not settled for the night after all, dawned. And I trudged upstairs to deal with him.

(FYI the soup was carrot, parsnip and ginger, and both OH and Babe refused to eat any. It gave me the most terrible abdominal pain and must have upset my breastmilk as well, as New Babe woke on the hour, every hour, last night, and it was his breaking wind, not his crying, that dragged me from sleep in the next room.)

(FYI2 I give Babe some great natural iron green vegatable supplements you can buy.)

(FYI3 It occurred to me last night, as I got back into bed having fed the baby and gone to the loo afterwards for the umpteenth time, that my bed is so close to the toilet, despite them being in adjacent rooms - our house is small - that it is kind of like having an en suite. Probably less distance between my bed and our toilet than from my brother's bed to the loos in his ensuite, I speculated at 4am.)

Anyway, OH has been laid off work again and money stresses are even more real than usual. So I have decided to dabble with ebay. I have lots of baby gear and maternity wear to get rid of, as well as other things I don't like or need anymore, and our roof is full of tools that OH doesn't use, as well as things like his tap shoes. (Long story, worn once - I thought tap dancing might be a fun activity we could share after work when living in London. Despite his general physical dexterity and high level of fitness, OH could not decipher the lingo - ShuFULLbullCHANGEetcetcetc - and was crap at it. I had the best laugh of my life that night but it was not £95 well spent.)

I thought I would start on ebay with something small. So I picked up a 'pale blue Acessorize angora cap-style beret, VGC' from the top of the pile. I then spent the best part of an effing hour, while NB slept, trying to capture it at its photographic best. If you manage to find the bloody thing on ebay, its the one with the terracotta breeze blocks in the background. Yes, the garden offered the best light and you can see a snippet of my brown sleeve in the pic.

It's harder than you might guess to take a photo of a beret with your hand inside it, trying to make it look appropriately full and not floppy, get the peak and the twiddley bit on top in, etc etc. I asked OH to model it - he refused, and his hands are hairy and it wasn't looking good when it held it up on various backgrounds. I considered putting it on a large stuffed toy, but feared it might trivialise the purchase to prospective buyers. I hope I haven't overstepped the mark by describing it as 'cute'. To cut a long story short, it doesn't even come up when you type in 'beret' - can some clever dick reading this explain why? - and I realise I've left the word 'outfit' or 'set' off my 'newborn boy winter jacket and trousers, VGC' and that isn't coming up easily either. Dang and blast.

So, if you wonder what I'll be doing for the rest of the evening (and probably the rest of my maternity leave, if not my life), it's trying to get my photos and keywords right on ebay. If any of you know a geeky adolescent who would take everything I possess and try and flog it for me, in return for a cut of the profit (or, I don't know, some lessons in the language of love or something - as I said, OH is without a job a the moment), please let me know!